Perhaps this seems obvious to some of you, but for me at the age of 17, it wasn't this clear. I was caught up in doing, doing, doing . . . what should I do to serve God better? Not that I was actually doing anything . . . it was just the mindset I was in. Even though I didn't express this verbally and knew it was incorrect theology, I think I probably would have argued works were more important than faith just by the way I thought through some of the decisions I made.
I was only beginning to understand righteousness and had NO clue what justification and sanctification meant (by the way, for those who aren't sure . . . these often-heard, theological-heavy words stand for some pretty amazing realities of God's love).
So, to me . . . you do good stuff/you get good stuff was how I viewed life and ultimately my salvation. If I did enough of the right stuff for God I would just meticulously have that marvelous relationship with Him that I knew I needed to have but couldn't seem to grasp.
Tonight as I talked with a friend on the phone, our conversation took me back to a time when I was introduced to a thought that would forever revolutionize how I viewed my relationship with God and really, how God viewed our relationship.
I was reading When God Writes Your Life Story one day (not to be confused with When God Writes Your Love Story also by the same authors), and this line jumped out at me.
"God is far less concerned about what we do for Him than He is about our passion to simply be with Him."
Huh?!
Yeah . . . Before I had all these good intentions about what I could DO for God . . . but honestly, I wasn't that stoked about just being with Him. Sure, I "loved" God, but what did that mean? To me, to love God meant to do stuff for Him. In return, He would remember me when He comes back and I'd get to live in heaven forever . . . without all the cool earth stuff like computers and my books and marriage, but 'hey' I'd be living forever so who cares, right? It's either that or burn.
What did it mean to actually be with God? Perhaps I didn't understand because I wasn't motivated to just be with God. Reading the Bible was OK, but a saw it as just one of those things I had to do.
Despite my initial was lack of motivation in developing a closer relationship with God, because from here on I realized that it wasn't about what I did for God . . . He wanted something deeper than just doing. He wanted me. Not only that, He wanted me to want Him. And that knowledge was somehow incredibly freeing. It wasn't about works. He had a heart where me, in all my shortcomings could feel peace in whatever I was going through.
As I really understood who God was in a clearer way my attitude began to shift . . . because honestly, I did want to want Him . . . I just didn't want to put the time into something that was just going to be painful . . . I didn't just want to build a relationship with God if He was going to simply spend all our time correcting me. If I was doing, doing, doing for Him, then He wouldn't be able to say much (yeah, right! haha). But I learned that He wasn't waiting there with a list of what I was doing wrong or what I needed to improve on, He was simply there wanting to be with me—all of me . . . not just the cool me or the talented me or the me that did all the right things . . . He was simply waiting to be with . . . me.
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