Where I was on September 11, 2001

September 11, 2001
Age: 11
Location: Home (Tennessee)

I was sitting in my family's kitchen watching the PBS channel as an old guy with crazy white hair who reminded me of a cross between my grandfather and Albert Einstein taught me about physics. That morning, of all mornings, my mom had decided not to watch any of the morning programs—we were used to watching them all. Good Morning, America, The Today Show, and any other morning program that we could reach through our bunny ear antennae.

"When your show's over turn the TV off," my mom had told me. I was home schooled.

But my mom wasn't in the room when my "educational show" ended so I started flipping channels. I found my self staring at two smoking towers but didn't understand what was going on. There had been a lot of talk and video of nuclear plants in the news lately as government officials talked about moving nuclear waste to the Yucca mountains in Utah. I didn't get a good view of what was smoking before thinking it was the same old debate over the waste and decided to be obedient and hit the red power button on the remote.

About four hours later at 1 p.m. my dad arrived home early from work.

"Did you not hear what happened?" He asked my mom who was surprised to see him in the middle of the day.

For the rest of the afternoon and evening my parents' eyes were glued to the TV while I tried to make sense of what was happening. It was crazy. I remember planning to move to Greenland.

My whole mindset changed. As a child you trust that time will be somewhat the same from year to year. The seasons will come and go. Your birthday and Christmas will come and go; and if something is bad this year, next year you hope it will be better.

I remember thinking, I can no longer say, 'next year will be better' when things go wrong in my life . . . because there might not even be a next year. As an 11-year-old, that was a tough concept to grasp that day.

After a while I couldn't watch the images anymore and went to my parents' room, flipped on their little black and white TV to PBS and started watching the afternoon cartoons. It was too much.

Last year I started reading a book about a September 11 survivor, and couldn't finish . . . the images she wrote about made what I understood as an 11-year-old seem like something a four-year-old should be able to grasp easily. Meaning, what really took place that day cannot be measured in any way. To me, it simply appears as a dark chasm from which evil spewed with all its force, leaving whose who were alive that day suspended at various levels within the chasm, understanding varying levels of darkness. I wasn't ready, even at the age of 20, to descend to her where she was . . . I wasn't ready to understand the day the way she did.

Yet, here we are . . . ten years later. Many are still suspended. I don't think you can really pull yourself out. It's a knowledge suspension. It stays with you. Even if what you experienced was so minute in comparison to the one's who were lucky enough to make it out of the towers that day.

For me, age 21 now . . . I still don't say things will be better next year. It's such a little thing, but when I look back . . . saying 'next year everything will be OK' when things got messed up was such a comfort for me as a 10 and 11-year-old . . . before 9-11.

GroupLink

When I was in my teens I used to read a bunch of Christian books that were supposed to tell me how to have a great life . . . actually I mostly just scanned and flipped through them. Mainly because after about two chapters I would get frustrated. I was looking for something that I could do . . . to have the perfect existence . . . but they kept pointing me back to the Bible.

If I had wanted to read the Bible to figure out life . . . I would have . . . !  I thought and switched whatever book I was reading out for another one that would hopefully give me a formula that didn't include reading the Bible.

But they never did . . . I was always pointed back to the Bible . . .

It took me a while but I finally got it . . . the Bible is where we as Christians should start and finish. The Word of God. This semester I'm leading a small group on campus, and all we are going to be doing is reading the Bible, journaling our thoughts, and sharing that with the group. Pretty simple, pretty chill. Just you, your Bible, a journal, and God.

Divide: Good/Bad . . .

(Note: The "We" in this post refers to humans in general . . . not any two specific people).

We divide numbers. We divide atoms. We divide cookies with our best friend when we only have one. We divide for good reasons. And then we divide for bad reason . . . however, we might think it's for a good reason.

We divide homes because we will be better off without the other person. We divide workplaces because our idea was better. We divide countries because . . . well . . . same as the last one. We divide churches because . . . our agenda is more important than the souls we shove to the other side.

We divide.

Stop the Divide. 

Too Busy for Ice Cream

Wow! How busy can a summer get? I think that this for sure has been one of the craziest one's I've ever experienced! That's why I haven't really kept up with this blog. However, let me note a sad fact. The whole month of July went by without me making a tribute to ice cream on here. Sad, I know (note sarcasm . . . lol) July is National Ice Cream Month thanks to Ronald Reagan. What a great pres! (Note no sarcasm . . . ahahahaha). 

Enjoying me some ice cream during the month of July ; )

The other day while I was cleaning out some paper from YEARS ago . . . I found a poem I'd written about ice cream . . . it's really silly but I thought it was still cute and demonstrated my abundant love for this frozen, sweet solid. ; )

Here it is:

I love ice cream
It is my dream
To be on the team
Ice cream

So there it is . . . my blog honoring ice cream! ahahaha! ; D

Awesome T-shirt Design

 

http://www.designbyhumans.com/shop/detail/8942

This has got to be one of the coolest shirts I have ever seen!! I love it. Here is the story behind it by the artist. . .

"This idea came to me at probably one of the lowest points of my life. . . . It was then that I asked myself, “What am I really worth?” So I googled, “black market prices for body organs” and voila!, I had myself a design concept.

"The design itself was drawn by hand using a Wacom tablet and Adobe Photoshop."

You can check out the shirt for yourself at the link posted under the photo.

Just Heard Coming From Kitchen:

Dad: Is this sugar or what?

Mom: It's beef seasoning!*

*Note: That would be vegan fake beef seasoning . . . just incase anyone was wondering. haha.

Happy 29 years . . .

Yup, that's right, my folks have been married for 29 years! Amazing, I know. lol. They were also married on the Fourth of July. Seems appropriate since both sides of my family (my dad directly and my mom's mother and grandparents) immigrated to the United States making this land their new permanent home.

My mom's bouquet was red, white, and blue.

The happy couple.

Babylon SDA Church

The title for this post sounds controversial, but I promise it isn't!

It's actually the story of how I acquired my favorite hymnal.

While my family was working on Long Island several years ago we went to a Seventh-day Adventist Church in the city of Babylon, New York. Since most churches are named for the towns or streets they are on . . . this church was named Babylon SDA Church.

At the time we had some good friends who claimed the Adventist Church was Babylon. Because of this fact, being at that church was highly amusing to me. So I got my mom to help me ask one of the deacons if we could have an old hymnal. I was so excited when he said 'yes!' : )

I love that hymnal!

It's missing the first 20 or so hymns but still has most of my favorites.

The name plate.

My favorite hymn.

It has served well!

What My Dad Taught Me . . .

How to ride a horse.

How to ride a dog.

How to chop wood.

How to eat watermelon the fun way.

How to off-road in a baby carriage.

How to fly a kite.

How to steer a canoe.

How to build an awesome snowman.

And many more things . . .

Thanks, Dad.

A New Do!

So after talking about layering my hair for more than eight months, I finally did it.

Going retro ; )

My Graduation

Four years ago today—June 14—I graduated from high school.

Actually I took my GED because I was home schooled and this was the day that the program held it's graduation. I went because I wanted to actually experience a graduation I could call mine. I didn't have a real 8th grade grad so this was my time to wear a robe and march down an aisle to Pomp and Circumstance. In about six months I'll be doing it again, Lord willing!! : ) And I'm super excited about this next one too just like I was last one.

My mom likes to look serious for photos . . . haha . . . we all know the truth though!!

I was so excited even if they only called me by Suzanne because they couldn't pronounce my last name! lol

This was one of my best friends and me the year we graduated 8th grade.

Two of my loves and what I'm studying: journalism and art (graphic design)!! [These two photos are part of my next grad's photo shoot.]

Looking forward to this coming winter!! ; )

photo credit for grad shoot: Hilary Prandl

My New Favorite Appetizer

World Table Original Rice Crackers! These things are the tastiest little treat ever!! Weeeeell . . . except for ice cream . . . ; )

Photo from 21food.com

Mi Familia

Family!!!!

"Other things may change us, but we start and end with the family."
— Anthony Brandt

It's been a looooooooong time . . . but it was great to see them again!

Amo a mi familia! ; ) oxox

Our moms are only 9 month apart and Missy and I are only 11 month apart.

Missy and I with uncle Ron and Joshua.

God wants us . . . and not just for what we do for Him

Perhaps this seems obvious to some of you, but for me at the age of 17, it wasn't this clear. I was caught up in doing, doing, doing . . . what should I do to serve God better? Not that I was actually doing anything . . . it was just the mindset I was in. Even though I didn't express this verbally and knew it was incorrect theology, I think I probably would have argued works were more important than faith just by the way I thought through some of the decisions I made.

I was only beginning to understand righteousness and had NO clue what justification and sanctification meant (by the way, for those who aren't sure . . . these often-heard, theological-heavy words stand for some pretty amazing realities of God's love).

So, to me . . . you do good stuff/you get good stuff was how I viewed life and ultimately my salvation. If I did enough of the right stuff for God I would just meticulously have that marvelous relationship with Him that I knew I needed to have but couldn't seem to grasp.

Tonight as I talked with a friend on the phone, our conversation took me back to a time when I was introduced to a thought that would forever revolutionize how I viewed my relationship with God and really, how God viewed our relationship.

I was reading When God Writes Your Life Story one day (not to be confused with When God Writes Your Love Story also by the same authors), and this line jumped out at me.

"God is far less concerned about what we do for Him than He is about our passion to simply be with Him."

Huh?!

Yeah . . . Before I had all these good intentions about what I could DO for God . . . but honestly, I wasn't that stoked about just being with Him. Sure, I "loved" God, but what did that mean? To me, to love God meant to do stuff for Him. In return, He would remember me when He comes back and I'd get to live in heaven forever . . . without all the cool earth stuff like computers and my books and marriage, but 'hey' I'd be living forever so who cares, right? It's either that or burn.

What did it mean to actually be with God? Perhaps I didn't understand because I wasn't motivated to just be with God. Reading the Bible was OK, but a saw it as just one of those things I had to do.

Despite my initial was lack of motivation in developing a closer relationship with God, because from here on I realized that it wasn't about what I did for God . . . He wanted something deeper than just doing. He wanted me. Not only that, He wanted me to want Him. And that knowledge was somehow incredibly freeing. It wasn't about works. He had a heart where me, in all my shortcomings could feel peace in whatever I was going through.

As I really understood who God was in a clearer way my attitude began to shift . . . because honestly, I did want to want Him . . . I just didn't want to put the time into something that was just going to be painful . . . I didn't just want to build a relationship with God if He was going to simply spend all our time correcting me. If I was doing, doing, doing for Him, then He wouldn't be able to say much (yeah, right! haha). But I learned that He wasn't waiting there with a list of what I was doing wrong or what I needed to improve on, He was simply there wanting to be with me—all of me . . . not just the cool me or the talented me or the me that did all the right things . . . He was simply waiting to be with . . . me.

The Result of Loneliness

I've been so bored here at Southern this summer with hardly anyone around. I've also missed my blogging days. So, here we go . . . a new blog for a new time, about random stuff in my life.

[It's a carry over from my previous general info blog]

Enjoy . . .